


the taste of regret

by candycity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, just plain angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-25 12:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candycity/pseuds/candycity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't live without him, in the end. [Levi/Eren].</p>
            </blockquote>





	the taste of regret

They're hanging out in Levi's bedroom, like every other night. As per usual, Levi reads at his desk, and Eren is stretched out across the sofa, and they casually discuss trivial matters; how their day went, gossip about the new recruits, stuff like that. It's usually a comfortable, quiet conversation, but something is different tonight - there's a strain, a tension in the atmosphere. 

"What is it?" Eren finally asks, sitting up and walking across the room to Levi's desk. Immediately, Levi stiffens up, and that's when Eren realises that something is very wrong. 

"Levi..." The man sighs, turns to return the boy's steady gaze. 

"It's nothing, Eren, just...maybe we should take a break." 

Eren looks like he's been punched in the gut. He takes a step back, and his expression is one of disbelief and - Levi flinches as he recognises it - hurt. 

"Why?" he asks. He doesn't bother to try to keep the pain out of his voice, and Levi flinches again. 

"It's just -" He pauses. "I don't want to depend too much on you, Eren."

"I realised, when you left to go on that trip with your friends," his tone takes on a bitter edge, "exactly how much I depend on you to keep me happy. And -" He hesitates. "I don't want to depend so much on you. If something happens -"

"You don't trust me." The tone is flat. Eren's eyes, previously glistening with hurt, are now dull and hard. "I understand _, sir_." 

The use of the title during their alone time together is like a knife to his chest. "Eren, you don't understand -"

"I think I understand just fine, sir," Eren interrupts, his voice empty of emotion. There's no hostility, and that makes it almost worse. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you."

"Eren," Levi sighs - but he doesn't deny it. 

Eren nods silently. Before Levi can say anything, he's gotten up and is striding purposefully towards the door. "Have a good night, sir." 

The door slams behind him. Levi can't decide if he's more pissed off at himself or Eren. 

He suspects it's the former.  
 **  
xx**

It'd started when the rest of the squad started to tease him. 

In Eren's absence, okay, fine, he had become a bit despondent. And moody. Maybe he'd moped around a bit. Sulked a fair bit, too. 

But that was expected, wasn't it? Like, his boyfriend had left for one whole week to go partying off with his stupid friends. At some stupid bonding camp that Erwin had organised to, God knew why, "develop friendships and comradeship among the new recruits and establish a mutual trust and understanding between soldiers."

Yeah, right. To get drunk and screw each other's brains out in the absence of adult supervision, more like. The very idea of Eren making out with a nameless figure in the corner was enough to make him grit his teeth and clench his fists, despite Eren's assurances that he "wasn't suicidal, contrary to popular belief". 

So naturally, he'd become quite the pathetic, bad-tempered, moody fucker. And Hanji had to go and be a bitch about it by casually commenting, "You really can't live without him, huh."

That had hit him harder than he'd ever admit, and it had driven him into an even worse mood than he already was. By the time Eren had arrived, everyone was actively avoiding Levi, and even worse - Levi was avoiding Eren. 

His stupid overthinking had led him to conclude that he and Eren should take a break. It had played out a lot better in his mind, with Eren gracefully accepting his decision and Levi continuing his life as per usual. 

Yeah, that was working out _so_ well. 

There was no question about it. He'd fucked up big time.  
 **  
xx**

When Eren was sent off for another mission with the recruits, he'd thought nothing of it. It wasn't a big thing, just sort of like an exposure trip out of the walls. Two, three days, max - no casualties were expected, given that it was more of an excuse to show the recruits what it was like on the outside than anything else. 

Except something had gone terribly, terribly wrong. They'd run into an army of Aberrants.

Despite that, most of them had survived.

Most. 

But not all. 

And there was one notable exception.  
 **  
**xx  
 _  
"I'm sorry, Levi."_

 _Smash -_ a whole shelf of porcelain trinkets is swept to the floor.  
 _  
"He died saving another recruit - "_

 _Crash_ \- the numerous medals of recognition are kicked to the ground. Titles. Prizes. Awards. 

For what?  
 _  
"- his sister -"_

What the fuck is Mikasa fucking Ackerman worth, anyway?  
 _  
"He died a hero."_

He laughs bitterly, and examines the sole remaining item on his desk - a glass of what appears to be water. 

It kills a person within twenty seconds, apparently. 

_He died_ _believing he meant nothing to me._

The sunlight catches the liquid; makes it glitter and sparkle. 

_He died thinking I didn't trust him._

_I'm so sorry, Eren -_

"He died not knowing I loved him."

He picks up the glass; brings it to his lips. He hears a familiar voice, admonishing him. Blue-green eyes that stare silently in reproach.  
 _  
Don't do it._

He tilts his head back. 

It tastes vaguely metallic.

It tastes, he thinks, like relief, and freedom, and regrets.  
 **  
xx**

Levi couldn't live without him, in the end. 

And he's always been a coward.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to fujoshiramisthemaster's prompt on tumblr. I tried, I swear.


End file.
